i just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
i just want to be ok today
i just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
i just want to be ok today

i just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
i just want to feel something today
i just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
i just want to feel something today

open me up and you will see
i’m a gallery of broken hearts
i’m beyond repair, let me be
and give me back my broken parts

i just want to know today, know today, know today
i just want to know something today
i just want to know today, know today, know today
know that maybe i will be ok

open me up and you will see
i’m a gallery of broken hearts
i’m beyond repair, let me be
and give me back my broken parts

just give me back my pieces
just give them back to me please
just give me back my pieces
and let me hold my broken parts

i just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
i just want to be ok today
i just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
i just want to be ok today

i just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
i just want to feel something today
i just want to know today, know today, know today
know that maybe i will be ok
know that maybe i will be ok
know that maybe i will be ok

2015 is going to be the year that I embrace my inner woo.  You may be asking yourself, “what the hell does that mean?”  Well, it means that I’m going the holistic energy healing, organic elimination, mindfulness route.  Western medicine has not mended all my wounds and something has got to give.  My realistic- by the book personality is shifting and I’m embracing it.  When I told my Gastroenterologist that I’ve still been having sore throats, burps, and chest pain on 40mg of Prevacid she told me I need to start taking 80mg. At first I thought thats great, medicine is the answer. http://www.drugs.com lists the following side effects for Pantoprazole: abdominal or stomach pain, absence of or decrease in body movements, blindness, blistering, peeling, or loosening of the skin, bloating, bloody or cloudy urine, bloody, black, or tarry stools, blurred vision, chills, clay-colored stools, constipation, continuous ringing or buzzing or other unexplained noise in the ears, cough,dark-colored urine, decreased vision….and the list goes on. Needless to say I usually get side effects these days, so it’s very important reading material.  I did some research and my wife pointed out that we’ve simply been treating my problems, not doing anything to heal my gut.

 I’ve started The Elimination Diet in hopes that maybe I have some intolerances that are causing my GERD and stomach pain. This means that for the next two months I am not eating gluten, dairy, eggs, red meat, night shades, caffeine, sugar, citris fruit, tomatoes, chocolate or alcohol.  My beverage choices the days are water or coconut water.  As of right now, I have not had any GERD symptoms since I was eating all the things I have eliminated.  When I decided to do this I thought that I was simply starting a new diet, but I think a new lifestyle may be emerging.

I’ve also been seeing this amazing massage therapist who also does Visceral Manipulation Techniques, Cranio Sacral Therapy, and Myofascial Release among other techniques.  I was very skeptical at first and I would not believe that these techniques could help my depression, anxiety, and gut issues if I was not experiencing it first hand.  She has absolutely changed my life.  I came in yesterday and let her know that I think I am developing TMJ, my left shoulder is in pain (chronic at this point), and I told her about my diet change.  I really did not think that all of my issues were related, but sure enough I felt like a different person when I left yesterday.  What we’ve concluded from our time together is that because I’ve been pushing feelings and trauma away most of my life, my body is taking on what I have not dealt with emotionally. Yup, that’s right my left shoulder hurts because my heart hurts. That’s intense.  Nothing else has given me the results I’m seeing: talk therapy, massages, excercise, or medicine.  It’s come down to moving energy through my body because I have blockages that create pain.

I think it’s appropriate that my love and I rang in the New Year making our vision boards. This year we were very intentional because we half assed it last year and well 2014 was not the best for us.  Here’s to hoping that 2015 has many great things in store for us all.

Cheers!